Mommyhood

Okay, I am just going to say this and that’s that. I am tired of pretending that everything is okay. I have been a stay-at-home mom for almost three years now and I am finally going to admit that it is not everything I thought it would be.

I have discovered that I hate cleaning toilets. I really don’t like washing clothes. I can’t stand having to put them up. Dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, washing, it has become my life. Then add, diapers, feeding, dressing, chauffering. Some days I wonder if anyone even knows I am here inside my house, or if anyone even cares.

Then comes the appearance. I often feel like I have to appear as though I have it all together. My kiddos need to be clean and dressed properly. They need to act a certain way. I need to act a certain way.

Well, IT IS ALL TOO MUCH! Tonight, I am getting real and here’s the truth!!! I don’t think that there is any doubt that I love my children and would do anything for them. The problem is that somewhere, I have lost my own identity. I am no longer Chastity, I am Rylee and Haven’s mommy. Well, I want to reclaim myself. I want to take my kids to playgroup, but I also want a playgroup for myself. I want once a week to sit down with my friends and talk and laugh and share stories…heck, I just want to sit down.

Mommyhood is a hard job and anyone who thinks that I just sit around eating bon-bons can come over anytime. The only frozen treat in my freezer are the Juicy-Juice frozen pops Rylee and I made together. That was fun (she says with sarcasm in her voice). I got to clean sticky goop up off the floor (not that I wouldn’t trade the memory – that’s what I am supposed to say, right?).

And this may sound like I am complaining because, well, I am. I think that us mommies need to ban together and start supporting each other more than we already do. We need to know that it’s okay if our houses are not spotless, they shouldn’t be, we have babies. And if we show up somewhere looking like we went through the spin cycle backwards, then we probably did and all we need is a hug and someone to take a picture so we can laugh later at Girls’ Night. Is it too much to tell the truth when asked, How are you? The truth is, I’m tired. I wipe bo-bos all day, clean up spills, dry tears, bandage wounds, give hugs, share kisses, read stories, play baseball, basketball, football, paint, color, tickle, chase, carry two kids at the same time, watch Hannah Montana, laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh.

I’m an exhausted mommy.

Would I trade it…never in a bazillion years.

Am I perfect…only on Sundays (smile).